I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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