It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
