I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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