My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
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do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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