So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
