Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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