You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
