What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
