hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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