He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.