I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola