He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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