You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm passing your future prison.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
