I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
