My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
