May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think we sleep fucked last night...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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