I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial