Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
