my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake