I think my vagina is haunted
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.