So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"