Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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