I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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