Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
