"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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