I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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