quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
