Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
