Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
