I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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