Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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