P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
