An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I would ride that face into the sunset
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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