Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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