Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
