why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
as a side note pls kill me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
