no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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