forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
