Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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