i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
