Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
