just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
