You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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