Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
