I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I pour the whiskey from now on
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
