why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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