I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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