u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
