I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
