thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
