Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
