he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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