I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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