she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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