i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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