She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
