I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize