Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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