Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
