Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry about my life...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
