He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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