Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
