I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
