Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
