apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
