My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
