Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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